WHY PARENTS SHOULD CONSIDER HIRING A COLLEGE CONSULTANT IN ADDITION TO WORKING WITH THE HIGH SCHOOL COUNSELORS

If you had to describe adolescence, how would you define it?  Would your definition address the music adolescents listen today, or would it be about  the clothes they wear?  Perhaps your description would include the changes that occur at this time of their lives. 

This is  a “curious phenomenon” that almost all adolescents experience and at the same transitions.   These transitions occur earlier for some, and later for than  others.   The period of Adolescence starts at the on-set of puberty and lasts generally through high school or a little longer as some late bloomers take their adolescence with them to college.  Some are so late in maturing that they party themselves right back home because they have not transitioned yet.. This group of individuals is a breed all unto their own

One of the main characteristics of this stage is peer pressure.  The effect that peer pressure on a student who is preparing for or is starting the college application process is this: the student overlooks the real reason they are going to college and fail to consider what kind of college would best meet their needs and desires. 

It becomes more an issue of to them of who else is applying where and what will others think of this or that college? If a counselor, consultant  or parent recommends a particular institution, the student’s reaction will often be predicated on what the "group" will think. An "in" school activity will be more quickly accepted in the eyes of a student rather than an unknown one. 

As a consultant working with students from all over the US, I get to enjoy the different experiences and levels of maturity that students this age bring to the table.  I love working with the student who is open-minded and independent enough to be unconcerned with the opinions of others. 

I have had a few students not only apply to, but attend, small liberal art colleges less familiar to students, especially those students in California, who this past year have been more than willing to look outside the box, and look to schools such as Occidential, Holy Names, or Manhattanville . IIn this time, I have found this attitude especially and  most pronounced in the Greater Los Angeles area where the students who attend the private “independent schools” are more likely to be receptive to less well-known liberal arts colleges than public school students who you sense walk on egg shells. 

Certainly there are exceptions, but the scope of peer pressure influences such areas as: clothing, hairstyles, automobiles and movies. Most noted in the public schools is the issue of drugs and alcohol usage . I have known many students, as I am sure you have, who, left alone, would not become involved in alcohol or drugs, but who do not have the self-confidence to be the only one not drinking at a party. 

To exacerbate this problem, many parents have a great deal of difficulty on being able to say “NO” parents,  and in turn become their child’s friend, using the rationale that “it ‘keeps the communication lines open”. 

I’ve had parents even provide tagging boards in their garage for graffiti artwork or alcohol related parties at a their homes, saying that "they are going to do it anyway" and "I would rather it be here than somewhere else". Interestingly enough, these are the same parents we work with in the transition to college process.  (There are also the "Prescription Pill" parties where students and their friends during any given week go through parents medicine cabinets and take a hand full of this or that and then drop them in a large bowl at any party  At these parties students pop them in their mouths as though they are M & Ms, but this topic is for anther time)

Another way these teens exhibit their adolescence is by making decisions are made by their group of friends rather than individually.  They shop together, go out to eat together, select and go see movies together, even make prom plans together. Too often, these teens want to make college plans together and that is where we as consultants ( as well as school counselors)  must intervene. 

I use a shopping analogy when I discuss this issue. Two best friends go clothes shopping together. What looks good on one won’t necessarily look as good or fit as well on the other. The issue of colleges needs to be treated in the same light. When I present it that way to parents and students together, it seems to hit home. Students need to find the schools that will fit their personalities, goals, talents, and embrace them to flourish so that they can become young thriving adults.

The issue of independence is a major factor in the lives of teenagers. As soon as they go through puberty, they think they are adults.  Subsequently, they believe they should be treated as such. The topics of curfews, parental pressure, and freedom to do what they want –when they want – and with whom they want - are the central focus of their lives. This gets progressively worse as they get older and as their bargaining and reasoning skills advance. It becomes increasingly difficult to win arguments with teens without using the old "because I said so" response.

The transition to college is a rite of passage that receives a great deal of attention in our society. Many think it is greatly overemphasized. The subjects of where a child got in, where he/she is going, whether he/she got scholarships become the main discussion topics of parents of seniors. At times, the college application process seems more like a competition between parents than the educational experience it should be. Some teens do not feel ready to leave the nest and choose to begin at the local community college or small 2 year liberal arts college close by. Others feel the need to conform to the “going away to college” trend not looking to see is it “is” or it “is not” what they truly desire.   The selection of schools next to the essay(s) is the most important part and most time consuming of the entire college application process. 

The college admissions process is the official start of the separation between child and parent, and it becomes the paramount issue within the life of a family.  It usually commences at the middle to end of the 10th grade year.  It is especially important if you child has to deal with physical limitations or learning differences, is an athlete that was not recruited but wants to play a sport they love, or has taken a year or two off and is coming back to the process.

It is essential that parents who work with counselors and consultants understand that those of us who work with adolescents in the transition to college process understand the characteristics of our clients, and we have to be the ones who buffer many situations that will occur in this period of time. We must know what to expect in our interactions with students if our role is to be productive for the lives of our students, and to be able to readily identify those issues that may have not been brought to the forefront up to this point. 

As you and your family prepare for the college admissions process, know that your school counselors are wonderful, hard working individuals who are highly skilled and trained but who are also overworked and really don't have the time to devote to each student the amount of time which is required to effectively get through this process.  They really do their best to give your child some attention throughout the process, but as I have seen working with schools, sometimes a child needs more, even with the counselors working from 7 am to 10 pm several weeks in a row.  The students are not always able to immediately grasp the admissions process or even clearly understand it, and it is where we are trained consultants can bridge the gap, being trained as the high school counselors have been, belonging to recognized professional groups such as NACAC and/or IECA, and then going beyond where the school counselors go through that we can make a difference to the student.... such as working with students who have been struck with disease, serious injury or suffer with ADHD. Then there are the students who are looking to top tier schools or are looking at "legacy" situations where they have to cope with yet another different set of issues as well as all the demands placed on them.  Counselors just don't have enough time to deal with these specific issues, and passing the responsibility off to the honor students to peer mentor your child is not a complete answer.   

The quality of life you have as a family, identify issues prior to the start of college, can discover who your child is, and point them in the right direction to schools that will benefit them in significant ways, and set up plans to help you maximize your dollars as you go through the four to six years ahead of you, allowing your child to graduate and not end up with  a mountain of debt to start their young lives off with.

If you feel you need someone to guide you and your family through the admissions process,buffer the stress in your situation, and you see your child "caving in" under pressure contact us for a FREE half hour session to see how we can do to assist you and your family. have a positive college admissions experience.