Wednesday, July 17, 2013

"H" IS FOR HELICOPTER PARENTS

“H” Is For Helicopter Parent. That dreaded label hovers over all parents as we try to help (and yes, over help) their children, to the point where when a child has to stand on their own, they can't. It is never more evident than when these children apply to college. That’s when parents become, well…"CRAZY".

 Legends abound about parents writing essays, berating admissions officers, and, in some particularly creative urban instances, apply to schools on behalf of their own offspring’s behalf.  Well,  much of it, if now all is true.  Colleges and Universities have now gotten on track and have recently instilled new measures to assure that the student who is in fact apply is the student, not a parent, not an agent, not anyone other than the student. Like the person(s) who tries to defend themselves in a court of law, parents who try to oversee the college admissions process are their own worse enemy.

 So we have one parent who summed up her college admissions experiences with her children like this... and we thought we would share with you this woman's experience.

  Why Hire a College Consultant?

" So let me confess right here… I was more than happy to accept help from professional college admissions consultants when both of my children applied to college. But the reasons might surprise you. It wasn’t, as many might imagine, to micromanage every decision on their road to higher ed. Au contraire… it was to get my big “H” out of the way.

 It’s Your Child’s College Search, Not Yours.  My reasoning: as I approached my eldest daughter’s sophomore year in high school, I realized it was impossible – summarily and completely impossible! – for me to engage in her college choices without inserting myself into the equation. We all have dreams for our children. But as my children became young adults, it became clear that my dreams were not necessarily theirs. I’m city and luxury hotels. They’re woods and campgrounds. I’m Edith Wharton and F. Scott Fitzgerald; they’re Stephen Hawking and Jack Kerouac. I love everything about them and admire their drive to simplify and save the planet. And while it is my job as a parent to help guide them, I couldn’t help feeling that my presence might actually steer them in a new and unintended direction.

 An objective voice helped ensure any detours – in whatever directions – were theirs. And I got a much-needed voice to remind me that the label affixed to their college of choice – brand name or not – didn’t matter. It’s what they did when they got there that would make the difference; what they decided they wanted from a future career, and how hard they were willing to fight for it.

Save Your Time and Sanity: Leave it to the Experts Yes, I was happy for the essential how-to advice from the pros. But I also got assurance that my children were pursuing their dreams and not mine. And when worries wracked me, I had an educated resource to deflect my angst away from them. Maybe most important, I got the solace of knowing I wasn’t going to screw it up. The people I worked for liked it, too, since I wasn’t spending my days obsessively surfing which school made the “best party” list, or which one was voted “best seven years of my life.”

 My oldest in particular ended up pursuing a college I wasn’t especially familiar with and that I probably never would have picked for her. And you know what? It fits her like a glove. She loves the environment, she’s doing beautifully as a student, and she’s making carefully thought-out decisions about internships and summer jobs to set herself up for a great resume.

Every day, I’m impressed by something new – things I’m now certain she wouldn’t have accomplished if I had been in the driver’s seat. And all of it was achieved because I was miles out of the way. So if all of my experiences are worthy of the title, “helicopter…” Well slap on an “H,” and color me scarlet."

To all parents, please keep in mind ---   the college experience of your day is NOT what it is today... this is YOUR child's 4 years, not yours. A college consultant may initial look expensive and burdensome, but a trained college consultant can save you not only time and worry, but a consultant can save you thousands of dollars in costly mistakes.

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