I want to share this video with you not only because it is disturbing, but having been in a post graduate educational settings with other educators. I hear once in a while teachers, counselors, etc. talk in a similar fashion to students, and go as far as to dictate how they should talk to people.. what they should say, and how to conduct themself and putting their foot down, wondering why these people bother to be in this profession-- .We are all trained professionals on some level, and we need to uphold the ideals we have been taught.
Recently, in a professional discussion, a school teacher was "chimming in" on how to handle a sensitive situation. Her comments were rather abusive to her counterpart, as she told this teacher how to handle the situation. It was in not necessary "what" she had to say, the "conduct. and tone of voice used" to express her thoughts... which as an independent consultant, I found offensive.
In a post graduate program of counselors, many of us had to do internships at a school of our choice. My child had gone through private schools in West Los Angeles, so I knew the thinking of many of the counselors..I now wanted to see first hand the public school setting.
I contacted the local school and got in. Unfortunantely, on my first day, I realized that one administrator had not cleared me, though the university had accepted placement, and this woman was not happy at my presence in her school. While she tried to cover it up with fake smiles, I picked up on it.
I discovered a couple of days later she did not give me passes I needed to have, nor did she ask me for certain things required to do the internship, which should have been clue #1. She did not intend for me to stay.
In the time I was there, it was for me to really learn, but to keep me busy with filing, answer phones, and to stay away from the students. I was told "no one has ever broken pass our barrier but you, and we all have to think about job security". I was told not to talk to students, parents or teachers. I was never told WHY. At the college fair, I was given an out of the way table to man.
The reason I share this experience, is because in the short time that I was in this situation, I discovered a lot. I saw that the problem was not with the counselors as many thought, it was with this woman. All of the counselors were very well trained, and had a lot of work to produce, none which was really for students. The teachers had experience well beyond a bachelor degree, and offered many interesting experiences.
The next thing that I learned was that my previous classes had described the issues correctly , and counselors just do not have the time to work with students as they should, so they have to pass off the work to others. In most cases, it is a peer-to -peer group. In this situation, the counselors were expected to put in 15 hour days, 5 days a week.
Well that is a good idea, but what does a student who has never been to college tell another student in the selection of a school that is "right" for them?
In this school, all the counselors were "hands on", but this had a pay off too. These counselors lived 10-15 miles away. They arrived at the school by 7am each morning. They left most of the nights at 10pm (which I felt was too long a work day, and 5 days a week).. The thing that ran through my mind was "how does this benefit the students, if the people in charge are mentally asleep". The teachers were eating breakfast in class, while counselors were trying to wake up in their offices. I had never seen anything like this when I was in school.
Once I got to sit in on a counselor/student session. They last about a total of five (5) minutes, and is used as a way for the counselor to get the paper work done that they need to, but not a real assistance to the student. I asked to see the paperwork used, and then I questioned the student on some of the things they wrote down. They decided to change their mind, and the counselors agreed that I was correct, but they do not have in the selection of schools, the schools come in, market to the students, and then it is up to the kids.
I asked one counselor..
"What is the worse part of your job?"
Answer: The Parents! Wow, I thought.. I embrace them. they need help too in this process.
I then asked a few more questions:
1) Why do you broadcast to parents not to hire a college consultant when the school can't do what a consultant can do?
Answer: We send all the information out via an email and it was up to the students and parents to get the information.
2) If something happens to an email or a family misses it?
Answer: Oh well, was the reply.
3) Why don't you endorse a college consultant if a child or family needs more time to understand the process?
Answer: We are not interested in sending out our students, we want to keep them all here,
For me, that was not acceptable. Families should be able to make informed decisions. The is an important step for every high school student and their families, and the school was treating it like just one more kid.
Students were snapped at constantly, and one little girl came in using all the courage she could to ask a simple question, and she was told " the counselors are busy and they don't have time for you now.. you have to come back"-- I was right there.. I ran after her and asked her what it was that she wanted. it was a simple request, and I was able to take care of it then and there.
I offered to help one student on a one-on-one basis who had no computer at home. He had no clue how to navigate one of the one line college systems to do a college application. I spent about an hour with him one morning, and told that that is not how to do it. they give out the information and it is up to the students or parents to get it.
One mother asked how to get her 10th daughter into college, that the counselor told her to just go to the local community college. I was not allowed to say anything, but there are a lot of options, the local community college is just one option.
I shared my experience with my class and professor. The professor told me to ignore most of it as it was a big political move, and while unfortunate,
It was mind boggling. What do students or parents do who need a little more help? The other day I got a call from a single mother who had gotten her child into college, but needed help with financial aid... "I listened to her story, but had to tell her "its too late to help you. but I can do it for next year".
Many High School counselors and teachers who have the everyday "normal" child to work with have sharp sharp tongues, and they really do not stop to consider the impact of those actions or words on others. They believe they have to be blunt and very frank to make their point heard. In this matter of Akian Chaifetz, it was like he was not even a person.
There are those who work with "special needs" students, those with ADD, ADHD, Asperger's, Autism, and physical issues. Most of these teachers, aides and others who work with these students are very special in their own right, and this story is about a few. Unfortunately, there are a few who are on the "frank and blunt" side of things and have specifics on how to deal with situations not taking into account their impact. Parents never know, and kids because of their limited abilities to express themselves on an articulate level, hope to maybe convey what they want to say, but most of the time, suffer with it. I know I had to deal with a situation I could not understand, and when I finally got it, it was too late to correct the damage done. I had to modify my approach to create the successful outcome.
The sad part of all of this is that the end result the parents feel or are told that their child not going to be able to go off to a college and university and they should consider other options. This is a "MYTH" and totally unfounded. There are colleges and universities across America where students with learning differences can do, and do quiet well too.
Parents lose out on financial aid opportunities cause they "just did not know" and those with special needs have to forgo a college or a university education if their parents are not pro active because they think there is nothing else they can do, and nothing can be farther from the truth.
Today. in the Huttington Post, this story came up about a young child with special needs and learning differences. He is not dumb or retarded, he just processes the information a little differently than others. Routinely, this is a quiet child, but in the classroom his teachers advocate him as "violent, a disruption, and out of control".
What caught my eye was his father's reply, Akian Chaifetz' father wired him to an audio system before school so he could listen in on a day's activities so he could listen in as to what was going on in the classroom, and he was shocked in what he heard.
I commend this father, but I did something similar once to get to the bottom of an issue. I was glad that he did it.
Children need to be treated with respect, and to be listened to. Children are human and need to be treated as such. I find in my own practice today, that many issues can resolved with active listening. As a result, I want to share this story, because while this is a young students' issue, it goes on in all grades in different fashions. Students and parents need help when applying to college, and while the counselors want to "protect their jobs", it can be damaging to all students, including those with learning issues, and the school personnel should embrace all the wonderful resources available to families instead of telling families they are the be all, end all of school.
Read this full story here: Stuart Chaifetz' Story
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