My ex-husband left both my son and I six months after his birth. I knew it had unset my son as he tried to keep him around as long as he could. Nothing could convince him, he had met someone new.
There was a lot of guilt that I experienced, and when he was about 16, I learned about " Heliocopter Moms" What was that I wondered?
I was told it was parents who held on so tightly to their children that the child was unable to learn techniques that they needed to acquire in order to grow up and be responsible children. I began to worry that I could easily fall into this category, My son was my whole life, along with our dog, but as a single parent, I had to work, maintain a household, and do a lot more than just watch my child. I even got extremely exhausted, and sometimes I just could not do anymore.
I watched closely from a distance, and tried to guide him through each new chapter of his life, as I had felt all alone growing up and out in the dark not sure where to turn. It was very difficult for me to talk to my parents, and in order to offer more support, I sometimes over stepped the boundaries.
They day we arrived at college where my son was going to attend, I had to encounter my first painful event..... we get to the auditorium where he will sign up for classes, and I am turned away at the door, being told that I get to sit under a tree while he goes in and picks his first year, first quarter classes. It was the first time I was not there to help him navigate his life to avoid painful and costly mistakes.
My heart sunk to the floor.. I no longer counted, my child was an adult as far as the school was concerned. So off I went, with my head down low, alone to sit under a tree. Once there, I began to talked to other parents who were going through the same grief experience, and at the same time we all realized we had to let go, they were adults, yes, but adults with not the best common sense yet. It was a grueling experience. A new chapter of my life was now before me.
After a tearful good bye where I tried to be strong, I had to spend my first night alone in a hotel room before leaving in the early morning. It was even worse driving nearly 500 miles home alone. When I got home, it was only me and the dog and entering into an empty house felt cold.
What I am sure of is that I am not at all alone in this process. What I have learned since that year is that while students are preparing for college and going through the transition, parents need to prepare themselves for what is to come.
When we work with students, we also work with families to prepare for the college transition. It is not only the child that has to make a new transition, so does the family. There is one less chair at the dinner table... one less shower, and one less homework or essay to be concerned about. There are less people in the house, and the laugher that you heard everyday is now no more.
Parents are protective today because of all the uncertainty that we encounter in our daily lives. Our society has a lot of issues to cope with, but heliocoptering over a child is very unhealthy not only for the child, but for the parent as well. We all have to let our children go and be their own person one day.
If you are a high school or college transfer student, or a parent of one, see this video and take this test
THE HELICOPTER PARENT
